Send a Raven: Newsletter #18
The beauty of learning, is unlearning
Happy October, Ravens!
The best month of them all, if I do say so myself (which totally doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that I’m an October libra)—as evidenced by yet another late newsletter, because as much as life has been lifing all year, this month was a whole ‘nother ball game… (but, for once, in kind of a good way).
Though this month has been an absolute whirlwind, I’m happy to say that things are finally calming down—including me. Has it been a cakewalk to get here? Absolutely not. But a quote I read recently has helped me begin to slide the pieces into place.
“This year felt like being awake during surgery.”
If you’ve read (quite literally) any newsletter that I’ve put out since January, then you can surely understand just why this hit so hard, because is this not the exact phenomenon that I’ve been trying to put into words all year? Some unknown paralysis that has taken me into a chokehold? The proverbial hand clamped over my mouth? The constant fog wrapped around my brain? And isn’t the fact that I haven’t been able to put a name to it, evidence enough in itself that this is exactly how I’ve been feeling?
And what the hell does it mean? Why is it something that I, apparently, am not alone in feeling so heavily this year?
Since my revelations last month (and a schedule that has really allowed no time for thoughts or feelings lol) these are answers that I no longer feel I’m on a hopeless pursuit to find. Not because I’ve found them, but because I’m trying to change my perspective, and instead focus on trusting that I will find them. Being okay with not being okay, if you will. And, as my dear friend
says best, the only way out, is through.And, luckily for me, through has looked extra special these last few weeks…
Which…speaking of the ARAC paperback launch…
Thank you so incredibly much to everybody who has placed an order, and thank you even more for being so understanding of the delay in shipping after the Canadian postal system decided to throw one last wrench in this launch (jk, that’s dramatic, they just decided to go on strike…again). Thankfully, things are finally moving—albeit slowly, but they are moving! So if you haven’t placed your order yet, make sure you use code ‘BONESTOPICK’ for 10% off!
Despite the uphill battle of self-doubt, seemingly impossible demands, and a whole lot of imposter syndrome that it took to make it to the point where I’m finally DONE with ARAC #1, I am beyond happy to have reached it. Can I say I’m proud? Not quite—things haven’t changed that much since last month. But I also can’t say that relief is the word I would use, either, and that’s an improvement.
I think, overall, I’m just eager to move on from this book. Is that eagerness partially because of the aforementioned hurdles? Surely. But I feel less guilty about my apathy towards accomplishing what was once my biggest dream and most seemingly unattainable goal when I consider the (literal) blood, sweat, and tears that it took me to get here. So, now that life is finally settling down for the season, I’m excited to be able to slip into hibernation mode, and put all of my focus on ARAC #2 (yes, I am still hopelessly hoping for book #2 to be out this time next year…perhaps a little sneak peek is in order to get me motivated…)
Part of refocusing my energy on progress vs. perfection (sound familiar?), has been reminding myself how to let things be. Which I’m forcing myself to practice with this newsletter—keeping it short and sweet with how I’m feeling instead of spending hours pouring over the perfect metaphor to tie everything together.
So, I will leave you with the sentiment that I am hoping to leave the month with, and that is that though much of my goals this year have revolved around landing on the other side of initiation, there is a beauty to learning that I’ve inadvertently turned a blind eye to.
In being forced to strip myself down to the nitty gritty and face what is left staring back at me in the mirror, I’m reminded that in the ability to learn, there is the ability to unlearn; what I’ve been looking at as a void, is actually a blank canvas.
Yes, I have to learn how to do it all.
But I also get to unlearn how not to.
