Send a Raven: Newsletter #7
The space between death and rebirth: a guide on getting through the winter
Well, Ravens, the season of change is coming to an end, as evidenced by the pitch black room that I’m writing this in at 5PM. But what does that make the season we’re entering? (besides cold, dark, and depressing, but I’m trying to be positive here…). What lies between death and rebirth?
Winter is a season meant for rest; our minds feel it, our bodies know it, but how are we supposed to rest as we scramble to rake up the leaves of death, and sow the seeds needed for rebirth?
I don’t know the answer, and the looming fear that I’m running out of time to figure it out has me feeling more intimidated by life than ever before.
Most people who know me would describe me as an ambitious person. I know what I want, and I go for it. But what I think people don’t know is that I only go for what I want when I know I can get it; when there is no fear of failure or doubt of success. That was something I decided to change this year… I wanted to broaden my horizons and learn how to strive for something beyond my reach. And with that would come sacrifices: less travel, a tighter budget, limited free time. But those were sacrifices that I was willing to make… Until it came time to actually make them.
My whole life, I’ve struggled with being a people-pleaser. For god knows how many reasons relating to my childhood, I’ve always been afraid to say no: whether because I feared their reaction, or because if I were them, I would fear my reaction. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to shed that skin: the people in my life are ones that love me, not ones that I live to please. But a skin that I’ve had a much harder time loosening, is learning how to say no to myself.
Somewhere in the never-ending push and pull between my needs vs my wants; my unevolved self constantly reaching for the ankles of my evolving self, I’ve learned the true importance of having a supportive partner. Because being supportive isn’t as simple as cheering somebody on from the sidelines, it’s making those sacrifices with them. And though the last few weeks have come with far more intimidation than I bargained for, I can’t help but feel immensely thankful that the prospect of living my dream life is what I’m finding myself intimidated by.
The definition of intimidation is the act of frightening someone into doing what the intimidator wants. And as I do what I previously viewed as allowing the intimidation to win, I wonder if maybe I need to shift my perspective…
About a week ago, I was updating my countdown for the release of ARAC, and as we dropped below 200 days, I realized just how much work I still have ahead of me, in an amount of time that I’ve been greatly overestimating. But in my familiar panic-induced kick in the ass, I felt something different… Instead of the typical burst of motivation that lasts a few days until I need a new rush of panic to get me off my ass, I felt myself adapting to a sustainable method that will get me where I need to be. (Spoiler alert, the old school method of limited drafting and editing really does work… Who would’ve thought? Not my raging OCD, that’s for sure.)
I now see that maybe I’m not cracking under the pressure, maybe I’m allowing the universe to bend me in the right direction.
ARAC promo has officially begun on Instagram and Tiktok! My Street Team will be opening in the new year. Until then, if you’ve already read ARAC on AO3, Wattpad, or FF.net, it would mean the world to me if you would leave it an honest review on Goodreads. And if you’re waiting for the release, please please please (Sabrina Carpenter voice) add it to your TBR!
Oh… I also joined Threads? So… Follow me on there too I guess?
So, with all that being said, I’m feeling a bit of renewed hope that maybe I’m not in over my head in all of this, and if I can continue being flexible, I won’t break. So maybe the answer is that winter isn’t about rest after all, but instead, restoration.
