Send a Raven: Newsletter #9
New Years Resolutions: why you may be setting yourself up for failure
Happy New Year, Ravens!
I hate to admit it, but I fear there is some cursed energy surrounding the start of 2025 (thanks, America). But if there is anything that I’ve learned, it’s that the way you start the year is often opposite to how you end it. Instead of the full circle moment in front of the mirror that we’ve been conditioned to expect, I find it’s actually more a matter of taking a step back from the glass.
On the shiny, reflective surface, a lot can change in a year: weight, job, friends. But when you flip it over to reveal the protective coating, it reminds us just how much can stay the same: insecurities, fears, coping mechanisms.
I grew up the same way that I’m sure most of us did: with the dazzling prospect of just how much our lives can change at 12:01 A.M. on January 1st. I spent years selling myself to the idea that come December, my life is suddenly inferior; everything needs to change. With a list of goals, habit changes, and cold-turkey cut outs a mile long, I eagerly awaited New Year’s Eve to transform me into the person that I so desperately felt I needed to be in order to… In order to what?
Which is exactly why year after year, I found myself among the millions of people who try really hard for 3 weeks, and then give up altogether. But one year, something changed. One year, all of that unfulfilled need to change came to a head, and almost cost me my life.
The following New Year’s Eve, the only thought I had when I looked into the mirror was gratitude: gratitude that I’d made it to New Year’s Eve. We’ve all seen the overly-reposted quote “It’s okay if all you did this year was survive” by now, but it wasn’t until that moment when I found myself feeling grateful for the year I’d lived instead of defeated about the year I didn’t, that I truly understood it.
I made a promise to myself that night—my only goal for the year, that I would never let myself get that low again. Never again would I convince myself that there wasn’t a single part of me that didn’t need changing. Never again would I allow myself to hate every part of what made me me. Never again would I fall into the trap of trying to be my best, when it made me become my worst. All I wanted to set out to achieve the next year, was to feel like I deserved to experience it.
That was the day that my views on New Years Resolutions changed. I no longer approach the final night of December with a list of things I want to change, but instead identify a few simple themes that I would like to continue building on.
Goals are year-round.
We all fall victim to the idea that a fresh start is required to begin a new journey; tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. But sometimes, that new journey seems to require a fresh start for the simple fact that you don’t want it enough, and coming to terms with the fact that it’s okay to be content where you are is a liberation that I wish upon every soul on this earth.
Recognizing areas of your life that you want to improve is a natural progression that comes with growth, maturity, and life experience. Improvements come when you know what you want, why you want it, and how you can obtain it. A snap decision made during the final week of December that promises instant gratification is not only not improvement, but it is a disservice to barter your self-worth for a false sense of pride or materialistic reward.
Now that’s all great in theory, but what about in practice?
For example, the theme that I’ve chosen to continue building on this year, is learning how to stop standing in my own way. I chose this theme because it was one that I’d:
Previously identified as something holding me back from where I wanted to be
Organically been working on through activities that inadvertently addressed the issue, and
Be able to tackle the most sustainably
My life has found many forms of peace since I learned to stop putting so much pressure on myself, and instead started focusing on just living, and that is the greatest goal I could have achieved. So with that being said, let the cringy author/book promo reels commence!
On a more personal note, I hope you all had as enjoyable of a holiday season as possible. I for one kicked off my 3-week-long break with the brilliant idea to try and finish my second draft of ARAC #1 (how’s that for an unrealistic goal)… So naturally, I woke up on my first day off with a sinus infection. Needless to say I did not complete the second draft, but I made some damn good progress and spent a wonderful holiday with my friends, family, and boyfriend.
Another thing that I got to really enjoy over my break, was reading! This was the first stretch of time I’ve had off work since starting Vyvanse, and it was the first time I was able to really see the baseline difference that being on medication has made. Instead of spending my free time feeling restless or bored, I was able to enjoy a true balance between productive and leisurely activities without anxiety or guilt. It’s crazy to think there was ever a time where reading a book was a chore that I had to mentally prepare for, let alone to think that time wasn’t all that long ago. I no longer fear the distance between reality, another author’s universe, and a universe of my own. And it’s a distance that hasn’t changed, it’s me that has grown. I no longer feel the need to close the gap in order to make the stride, and that was something I was never quite sure I’d be able to do as both a writer and a reader.
As I’ve mentioned, progress on ARAC’s second draft is moving along at a pace that I’m very pleased with (it’s also a pace that, three months ago, I thought was impossible). I no longer have any fear that I won’t be able to adhere to my narrowing timeline, which may just be the theme of my next newsletter…
On the flipside, there have been a few minor setbacks, which I’m trying to remind myself are bound to happen as I navigate my first release as a new author.
The first being the length of the book (I know, I know, we get it). One day I’ll come to terms with the fact that this is just a long ass book, but today isn’t that day. Though I’ve made substantial cuts that I do feel help enhance what is important to my story, I don’t know if I’ll even be able to get it down to a page count that I see so many other authors able to achieve. Which, don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily have as a goal, but what I do have as a goal is to get paperbacks printed, and paperbacks have page limits far below what I’ve been able to achieve (which I didn’t realize until after I’d spent hours designing a spine and back cover). Nonetheless, in the name of sticking to the book I’m not letting myself get too caught up in my bad habit of stopping halfway through a round of edits to start over because I’m unhappy.
The second, is learning to manage my expectations. I’ve said since the beginning of this rewrite that I don’t care how many new readers it gets. I’ve gotten the gratification that I needed for ARAC #1. My goal in rewriting and self-publishing the story was to establish myself as an author with a book that has already done well (and that is so near and dear to my heart and deserves a spot on my bibliography, of course) before I debut with a traditionally published book that is completely independent (yes, that’s still happening). I’ve built up this amazing rapport, why not use it to my advantage? But what I didn’t account for, was the stark contrast between bookstagrammers/booktokers, and fanfic readers. In my mind, they went hand-in-hand, and in some cases they do, but in many they don’t. Hundreds of reviews on fandom websites do not promise the same numbers on Goodreads (which reminds me… if you’ve read ARAC #1 already, please leave it a review), and hundreds of devoted readers also don’t promise people willing to promote my work.
So I’ve had to humble myself a bit these last couple of weeks and rethink my strategy, keeping in mind that though I have a bit of a leg up, I am still a new and unconventional face in the industry, and I need to do the work to prove myself. With that being said, my Street Team is on hold for the moment. I’ll still be accepting applications, but until I can establish more of a core group, I won’t be utilizing it. I’ve had some inquiries regarding an alternate way to join that doesn’t require a Facebook account, and though I don’t have an answer right now, I hope to in the future. As far as ARCs go, I am still planning on having an open sign up in March, but after some research I’m realizing that I’m going to have to do more than that (reaching out to bookstagrammers/booktokers & ARC readers… *shivers*).
TLDR: I’m learning that being a writer is very personal, but being an author is not. There is a business aspect involved, and that’s a gap that I haven’t quite grown the legs to cross yet.
I feel so proud watching you grow and start to receive so many blessings this past year, and now into 2025! New Years is always so unrealistic for no reason and it’s annoying!! Very good point to go with the change as it happens rather than push it away!!